Man says: "He likes your kind of nation."

She is neither here nor there, in comparison I’m Mexican-American but in ways I am neither one nor the other.

It’s the darker shade of grey, a fine line that defines not where you’ve been or even where you’re going, just where you are. I look at Elizabeth (Bessie Head) and maybe I do see one or two similar characteristics….except for the whole psychological breakdown and hallucinations.

You see she’s born in South Africa, the bad part of it anyway, and then through the forces of despair and anguish she leaves to Botswana and trades her previous convictions for isolation and ambiguity.

Now let’s make something clear first, the only sign I might identify here is ambiguity – and really it’s only to a certain degree. I didn’t leave where I was from by force or resignation; I was merely born 10 miles north of the border that’s all. But my point is this, both of my parents are of Mexican descent, as am I, but they at least have some type of direct connection with Mexico having lived there for most of their young lives. I on the other hand have no direct connection with Mexico; instead it’s a foreign country to me because I’ve lived in the U.S. for my entire life. I know life south of the border and I’ve been there countless times, in some senses it’s just like a backyard for me – but then it isn’t home for me.

Now Elizabeth’s (Bessie Head’s) particular situation is a bit more drastic but I’m still able to identify and isolate my own connections in comparison with hers. Elizabeth fled the slums in S. Africa where the concept of being thought an “important person” was highly frowned upon. (pg. 26 Head) So now that she’s in Botswana there isn’t any familiarity for her inside of the culture. She is an “out-and-out outsider” who will never be “in on their things”. (pg. 26 Head)

When I visit my father’s side of the family in Puebla, Mex. (2hrs southeast of Mex. City) or even just going 15 minutes south into Tijuana, Mex. I’m able to see the lingering differences about me not being here or there. Interacting with cousins and relatives who live in the south tend to show me that although I might come from the same side as them I still am not from the same ideology they are. I’m not Mexican-Mexican I’m Mexican-American – a distinct difference. Although on the flip-side while I am north of the border in San Diego or now in northern CA, Chico I am distinctly Mexican.

I’m not too sure if anything that I am saying is clear enough but let me offer up another point, on pg. 27 a man walks up to Elizabeth and says about Sello “he doesn’t like his nation at all, he likes your kind of nation.” Now is the man referring to the fact that they might know that she is from S. Africa or maybe he is implying the notion of her lighter skin and the mix of Black and White parents.

Now the way I see the phrase “your kind of nation” is the same way I see myself not identifying with people of the same ethnicity south of the border, and then at the same time immediately labeled here north of the border. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way and there are countless others who view their darker shade of grey in the same manner, so I guess that makes us more of a wandering nation amidst a large variety of other wandering nations. After-all unless your Native-American you aren’t really a native are you?